Silly Songs with Snape: The Hair Grease Song
by Phantasia
Summary: Snape has just finished his bath. Now he's looking for his hair grease. Please R/R!


*Piano music plays merrily in the background*  
  
{Ron Weasley, Narrator} And now it's time for Silly Songs with Snape, the part of the story where Snape comes out and sings... a silly song. Our song opens as Snape, having just finished his morning bath, is searching for his hair grease. Having no success, Snape cries out....  
  
*Sing to "The Hairbrush Song" tune*  
  
{Snape} Oh where is my hair grease? Oh where is my hair grease? Oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where, Oh WHERRRRRE.... Is my hair grease?  
  
{Ron} Having heard his cry, Professor Dumbledore enters the scene. Shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Snape in a towel, Dumbledore regains his composure and reports...  
  
{Dumbledore} I think I saw some hair grease back THERRRRRE!  
  
[Exit Dumbledore]  
  
{Snape} Back there is my hair grease. Back there is my hair grease. Back there, back there, oh where, back there, oh where, oh where, back there, back there, back THERRRRRE.... Is my hair grease!  
  
{Ron} Having heard his joyous proclamation * Shows disappointment at the thought of Snape being happy*, Harry Potter enters the scene. Shocked and slightly disgusted at the sight of Snape in a towel, he turns green, but quickly regains his composure and comments...  
  
{Harry} Why do you need hair grease? Your hair's greasy enough, you slimy git!  
  
{Snape} Twenty points from Gryffindor for being rude!  
  
{Harry} But that's not in the song!  
  
{Snape} And neither is "slimy git"!  
  
{Ron, out of his narrator mode}Can we get back to the song?  
  
{Snape} I can also take points from you, Mr Weasley.  
  
*Ron grumbles*  
  
*Snape sighs* {Snape} Fine, let's get on with it.  
  
{Ron} Good, now where were we? Oh yes! Harry said you have abnormally greasy hair, and called you a..."  
  
{Snape} Ahem!  
  
{Ron} Right. Anyway, back to the story.  
  
[Harry quickly leaves the room before Snape can take anymore points from him, and passes out. He obviously hadn't recovered from seeing Snape in a towel.]  
  
{Ron, back in narrator mode} Snape is taken aback. The thought had never occurred to him. He has greasy hair? What would this mean? What would become of him? What would become of his hair grease? Snape wonders...  
  
{Snape} Too much grease to need hair grease. Too much grease to need hair grease. Too much grease, too much grease, way too much, too much grease, too much GREEAAASSE... To need hair grease!  
  
{Ron} Having heard his wondering, Draco Malfoy enters the scene. Shocked and slightly, umm, well, let's just say "shocked" at the sight of Snape in a towel, Draco regains his composure and confesses...  
  
{Draco}Snape, that old hair grease of yours, you don't need to use it, you DEFINITELY don't need it, so, well, I'm sorry, I didn't know. But I gave it to Hagrid, because he's seeing Madame Maxime tonight, and he thinks it will look good. We all know he doesn't, that's why I gave it to him.  
  
[He laughs evilly. Then leaves.]  
  
{Ron} Feeling a deep sense of loss, Snape stumbles back in and laments...  
  
{Snape} Not fair for my hair grease. Not fair, my poor hair grease. Not fair, not fair, too much grease, not fair, not fair, not fair, too much grease, not FAAIIIR..... My precious hair grease!  
  
{Ron} Having heard his lament, and being the good person that he is, Hagrid enters the scene. Himself in a towel, both Snape and Hagrid are shocked and slightly disgusted at the sight of... Each other. But recognizing Snape's generosity *Generousity?! Thinks Ron*, Hagrid is thankful.  
  
{Hagrid} Thanks so much for the 'air grease, Professor Snape. I really appreciate it!  
  
{Ron} Yes! Good has been done here! Hagrid exits the scene. Snape sneers, which is the closest thing to a smile that he can come to, still feeling an emotional attachment for the hair grease, calls out...  
  
{Snape}Take care of my hair grease. Take care, oh my hair grease. Take care, take care, don't dare not care, take care, nice hair, no fair, take care, take CAAAAARE... Of my hair grease!  
  
{Ron} The end!  
  
{Applause. *Optional*}  
  
  
  
AN: This is the result of an writer who baby-sits a child who watches Veggie Tales way too much, and who is suffering from a severe case of writer's block. In the case of this story/song, I plead guilty by reasons of insanity.  
  
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me, except the hair grease, which now belongs to Hagrid. All hail JK Rowling and Veggie Tales!  
  
AN2: Oh yeah! Please note that the insults directed at Snape were from people who despise him. I, personally, think that Snape would look just fine in a towel. Hee hee! 


End file.
